One of my buddies David saw me perform an excerpt of “Fat Fuck” at “Weird and Awesome with Emmett Montgomery” where I sang the praises of chia seeds, which Steve introduced me to a few months ago. After the show, David said to me, “I have to get me some of those.”
I thought he was bullshitting me, but every time we’ve hung out since then, David’s made several jokes about me being his chia dealer. Then last Sunday I received the following text from him as we were rushing out the door to meet him for dim sum: “Yo man can you break me off some of that chia?”
I guess it’s true: I have become his chia dealer.
So I responded: “First hit’s free.”
Last week, I received the following email from David–subject line: my mana is overflowing:
“NO, I am not talking about your favoritest side-effect. (Author’s note: This is a reference to the excerpt of ‘Fat Fuck’ David saw. Don’t get it? Use your imagination. Still don’t get? Well come see the show!) On Day 1, I couldn’t feel the chia at all. Now it’s day 2, and I want to chase down a gazelle and sink my fangs into the flesh of its throat, rending bone and muscle with my terrible claws.
That’s normal, right?
I’m almost afraid of day 3…
Anyway, I’m digging this stuff, and anxious to start working out again. As it happens, I’m going to be [at Hugo House on Friday.] I have two questions: 1) would you be available for lunch after that? and 2) could you hook me up with the chia? I’ll pay.
also, 3) where can I find a gazelle? So many questions, I want to TEAR INTO THEM ALL.”
Ever since Steve got me on chia, I’ve been telling everyone I know that it makes me believe I can change the world, or, as David says, chase down a gazelle and eat it. And trust me: he means this in the most positive way possible.
Chia is a wonder “drug”–I’m putting “drug” in quotes because apparently now I’m a dealer, and I want you to know that it is not really a drug, and I am not really dealing chia –and, yes, it’s exactly what you’re thinking: chia seeds are what make America’s least favorite novelty Christmas gift, the Chia Pet.
Chia seeds have so many positive effects on the body, which you can hear all about when you come see me perform the chia section of “Fat Fuck,” but to hold you over I’ll give you a couple: appetite suppression and hydration.
And the energy to tackle a gazelle.