When You Kiss Your Mom on Mother’s Day, Remember…

2 thoughts on “When You Kiss Your Mom on Mother’s Day, Remember…”

  1. This post was both beautiful and heartbreaking all in one. You need to know that there was nothing you could have done to change your mother’s lack of communication with you. It’s hard to be sure of these things when out parents are involved; all too often we end up feeling like wounded little children all over again. All too often parents have issues thy they’re not even aware of; in the end they will both damage and pass them on to their children without even being aware of what drives them to do so.

    My dad is a narcissist, and an asshole, and is totally unaware of both of these traits. I’ve never doubted that, were I to displease him, he would cut me out of his life completely and never speak to me again. Conditional love from one you love unconditionally will break your heart and can keep you from maintaining your relationships with others…and then the guilt sets in, a guilt I know all too well.

    But thankfully living with said guilt is entirely optional. Six months ago I happened upon a therapist and for the first time I am able to not only understand but accept both of us just the way we are. And to realize that none of it, NONE of it, was ever my fault. My dad was simply reacting to his shitty parents in the only way he knew how, and in doing so was passing all of his issues onto me. But the buck stops here, and the cycle is being broken.

    Asking for help was both the hardest and most important thing I’ve ever done. Whether such a course is right for you is something only you can know…but what I can tell you is that it feels so, so good to be able to leave my baggage, and burdens, at the door and to start living without having to carry the weight of it all.

    Our wounds will fester if we let them. Despite those who aided in their creation, in the end their healing is left to us.

    1. Thanks for sharing, Andrea. I think it’s very easy, especially for me, someone who has dealt with depression in the past, to be swept away by the muck of life, one of the many metaphors I like to use for the never-ending stream of bullshit in the world that makes it impossible for me to turn my frown upside down. The guilt, of course, is perhaps the hardest part of it all, and like you say, is completely optional, but when you are mired by it, the guilt seems more like a requirement, and after while, a badge of honor, yet one we aren’t showing off.

      It’s so hard to ask for help, and it’s something I’m working on in my own life. Being vulnerable doesn’t mean being weak–I have to tell myself that often.

      Thank you for reading,
      B

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