They kind of look like baby elephant trunks.
“Do you want to see some dicks?” Jaime, hunched over her iPad, asked me when I came to bed one night recently. She was researching circumcision–has been for weeks now–and part of that research includes staring at screen after screen of uncircumcised penises and possibly asking herself, “Can I really look at one these for the next 18 years?” Well, probably more like the next four or five, depending on how long our son takes to learn how to use his and whether or not he becomes one of those little boys that needs to show everyone his penis. (We all knew one of those kids growing up.)
One of the things I love most about Jaime is that she’s a tireless researcher, learning the ins and outs of any subject of interest to her, even if that means staring at uncircumcised penises for hours and developing such a deep understanding of the circumcision process that she’s compelled to share it with me over dinner while I double over in phantom pain. Jaime’s knowledge means I don’t have to read anything about a subject as painful as losing 50% of your penis skin sounds (Yes, it’s true–half!); she’s my own personal Ask Jeeves.
But before we even began the dinnertable discussion where we would decide the fate of our son’s foreskin, I had already made up my mind: Baby Mac’s (That’s what I’ve been calling this thing growing in Jaime’s stomach until we decide on a name.) penis would remain intact. Every parent wants their child to have what they didn’t, and for me, that begins with the foreskin. Jaime’s intensive research only validated how strongly I felt, especially when, after she promised not to say anymore about how circumcisions are performed, the phantom pain subsided and I learned the reasons why we circumcise are bullshit. Circumstitions, as the Intactivists, the pro-foreskin sector of the Internet, call them.
Circumcision makes Kool-Aid Man angry.
I didn’t know the foreskin was the most sensitive part of the penis, though it explains why circumcision began as a preventative measure against masturbation (Yeah, that didn’t work.) in the UK. Why would I want to take away the most sensitive part of my kid’s penis? That’s like making Kool-Aid without sugar, like ice cream without sprinkles (I really like sprinkles.), like baseball without home-runs. I can picture the birds-and-the-bees conversation where I tell my son, “Sex is pretty cool, pal, but it would be way cooler if mom and dad didn’t let the doctors chop off half your junk skin.” Seems like a, um, dick thing to do.
I also didn’t know most men in the world are not circumcised, a fact reinforced by all the “foreign penis,” as Jaime called it, on the message boards. (Apparently, she also has the gift of determining nationality with a glance at the nethers.) I was raised Catholic–everyone gets circumcised, and in the U.S., circumcision is still the norm, though it varies by region. (The West Coast is the exception.) I only know one guy who isn’t circumcised actually (I’ve been taking an informal poll of friends, which–let me tell you–has made some people feel uncomfortable.), and he doesn’t have any complaints, though he did advise me, “Dude, you gotta wash that shit.” Some extra cleanliness hasn’t stopped the rest of the world.
And the whole circumcision-prevents-HIV-thing–well, there’s debate about that, too. Then again, we could just papier-mache this kid in condoms when he turns 13 (Let’s call it a rite of passage…), and he won’t have to worry about any STDs.
Some other things Jaime has told me about circumcision until I’ve shouted at her “Please stop!”: circumcision can cause PTSD (Makes. Total. Sense.); babies are strapped down when they are circumcised (Probably because they would instinctually defend themselves against the person attacking their baby junk); and (SPOILER ALERT!) before the foreskin is cut–or crushed (Yes, crushed.) off– it must be torn away from the glans.
Honestly, I’d rather be stabbed.
Sounds like your son has some good parents. I commend you for your decision to leave your son whole. I wish my parents had left my junk alone. It would have saved me the trouble of restoring my foreskin.
Thanks for writing this, the only correction I would make is that genital cutting is NOT the norm in the U.S.- the intact rate average is nearly 70%. Also, it is easier to clean an intact penis than it is an intact vagina. Just saying.
In your next story, should you share one, and I hope you do, remember that it’s not YOUR decision to make for your son. I’m sure this was just an oversight
And tell your dude, that all men need to “wash that shit!” LOL.
Good story. Thanks for sharing and thanks for adding humor. I think we attract people much easier this way, especially when it’s a touchy subject.
Cheers! Sandy
Good for you guys. You are making the right call. Too bad most Americans are too stupid to figure it out like you have.
Circumcision cuts off (foreskin) or damages (frenulum) the most sexual parts of a man’s body. High school sex ed never says that. Nor is that fact part of the informal whispered sex ed all boys go through in summer camp and such. But it’s still true. Circumcision makes masturbation and marital foreplay more difficult and less fun. Intact men are less fixated on fellatio. There is a possibility that circumcised men are more reluctant to use condoms. There are women who have been intimate with both kinds of men and who blog their sex lives. Quite a few such women have explained in detail why they prefer intact for vaginal intercourse. For example, the mobile foreskin interacts nicely with the natural lube of both genders. Foreskin motion reduces friction. There is anecdotal evidence that cut men are more likely to engage in jackhammer intercourse. Finally, circumcision may make increase the frequency of PE and ED. Many American gay men are very foreskin friendly.
Young women have lewd conversations about the male body and sexual pleasure. How the tip of the penis looks and functions is more often a topic of these conversations than was the case 30-50 years ago. Women are using the internet to educate themselves about how the natural penis looks and functions. The result is an ongoing sea change in the sexual culture of younger American women.
There are only two countries in the world where more than 50% of baby boys are circumcised – the USA and Israel.
Drops in male circumcision since 1950:
USA: from 90% to 55%
Canada: from 48% to 17%
UK: from 35% to about 5% (about 1-2% among non-Muslims)
Australia: 90% to 12.4% (“routine” circumcision has recently been *banned* in public hospitals in all states)
New Zealand: 95% to below 3% (mostly Samoans and Tongans)
South America and Europe: never above 5%
You might also want to check out the following:
Canadian Paediatric Society
http://www.cps.ca/english/statements/fn/fn96-01.htm
“Recommendation: Circumcision of newborns should not be routinely performed.”
http://www.caringforkids.cps.ca/pregnancy&babies/circumcision.htm
“Circumcision is a ‘non-therapeutic’ procedure, which means it is not medically necessary.”
“After reviewing the scientific evidence for and against circumcision, the CPS does not recommend routine circumcision for newborn boys. Many paediatricians no longer perform circumcisions.”
Royal Australasian College of Physicians
http://www.racp.edu.au/index.cfm?objectid=65118B16-F145-8B74-236C86100E4E3E8E
“In the absence of evidence of risk of substantial harm, informed parental choice should be respected. Informed parental consent should include the possibility that the ethical principle of autonomy may be better fulfilled by deferring the circumcision to adolescence with the young man consenting on his own behalf.”
(almost all the men responsible for this statement will be circumcised themselves, as the male circumcision rate in Australia in 1950 was about 90%. “Routine” circumcision is now *banned* in public hospitals in Australia.)
British Medical Association
http://www.bma.org.uk/ethics/consent_and_capacity/malecircumcision2006.jsp#Circumcisionformedicalpurposes
“to circumcise for therapeutic reasons where medical research has shown other techniques to be at least as effective and less invasive would be unethical and inappropriate.”
@Kate, from my readings, it seems that high intact rate only considers circumcisions performed in hospitals. in reality, a great many are done outside of the hospital so the rate is actually considerably higher.
Sigh. It’s still early for me. I meant the circ rate is higher than those stats may suggest.
Circumcision actually makes the Kool Aid guy very happy…it means people are drinking the Kool aid!
As a mom married to a cut man, who are the proud parents of two whole boys, I gotta say, your lady rocks – and so do you. Way to listen despite the cringing and the discomfort, and thumbs-up to her for being crazy. (It’s okay, I’m crazy too!)
Your wife reminds me, of me. It takes a real man to know that doing better for his son would be giving him the gift of better sex, sex as it was designed. I told my husband that 9 out 10 women prefer intact sex compared with circumcised. When you know the functions of the foreskin, it all makes sense. When you say that your wife is unsure of the look, I felt the very same way, but I really do appreciate my intact son’s penis. Why? because it is in a package, and I never will see the head of my son’s penis. Awesome. And now, when I help with another friend’s circumcised child, I feel a little bad that I can see his “head”. It reallys saddens me, because my son’s genitals look so fresh and happy and whole, while his look red and out of place. Please keep your son whole, his future wife will thank you
Great article! I love when people can talk about a serious subject with a sense of levity!
You sound so much like my hubby in regards to not wanting to hear about the actual process. He was cut too as a baby and doesn’t want to think about what he’s missing, but he backed my decision to leave our son intact! woo hooo!
He will thank you for letting him keep what’s rightfully his.
With such caring, informed parents his new life is already off to a great start. Thanks for sharing this story!
I hope this is the way routine infant circumcision will end in this country, with parents researching the facts and finding their way past the mighty force field of misinformation that has protected this ridiculous tradition in this country for the past 130 years or so. I like to think if my parents had had the Internet 50 years ago, I’d have my whole penis today instead of this scarred remnant.
Kurt, based on all the stats thrown around in the comments, the U.S. is trending towards not circumcising. As I mentioned in my post, nearly every guy I know is cut, but almost all of them say if they had a son they wouldn’t do it to him. Things are changing, it seems.
Damn! I now know more about wieners than I ever thought I would. I’ve had one for 32 years and now you tell me I’m missing the best part. Thanks. I’m gonna go beat it and my parents. Unfortunately only one of those will be totally satisfying now.
Hilarious, Hillman! Every time my son has sex I want him to think of his mom and dad and how they made it so much better for him. I guess that’s kind of creepy though…
I am coming to this post late, but congratulations!
I’m happy too that you are choosing to leave your son intact! My husband and I left our son intact. He was allll for circumcision but I convinced him otherwise. It helps that he’s a naturalist and an atheist. haha! Everyone on his side of the family was for circ, but I grew up with none of my nephews [oldest is 13 now] being circ’d and so I figured it was normal. Just remember, it will not retract on its own until about puberty, no need for forced retraction, and no soap! Not to insinuate you’re ignorant but there is much to be learned about intact penises [even for me] because circumcision was the norm for SO long that there’s so much misinformation on natural penises! I also feel your son will thank you for giving him the choice and not taking away a much-needed, healthy body part. Congrats again!
Sara, thanks for the tips (and for giving me the opportunity to use another penis pun)! I’ve read some pretty interesting stories online where parents have tried to retract their boy’s foreskin, so I know we shouldn’t do that. Any other words of wisdom?
Thank you everyone for all the supportive and informative comments. For those of you who are raising intact boys, have you ever noticed them feeling like they “don’t fit in”? This seems to be the main reason why people circumcise now, and it’s one I just don’t understand because I don’t remember spending too much time staring at other boys’ junk when I was a kid. I’m curious what your experiences have been.
My intact son just turned 8 and hasn’t yet figured out that he’s different from me or most of his friends. At this point I’m not worried cause I think he’d understand my answer, “Because it seemed dumb to cut part of your wiener off, right?”
I’ll be saying the same thing to my kid if he asks. And when he has sex for the first time, I expect a thank you card.