Skinny People Like Me, Too Part Two
You can't see David in this photo, but he's right behind that gazelle.
One of my buddies David saw me perform an excerpt of “Fat Fuck” at “Weird and Awesome with Emmett Montgomery” where I sang the praises of chia seeds, which Steve introduced me to a few months ago. After the show, David said to me, “I have to get me some of those.”
I thought he was bullshitting me, but every time we’ve hung out since then, David’s made several jokes about me being his chia dealer. Then last Sunday I received the following text from him as we were rushing out the door to meet him for dim sum: “Yo man can you break me off some of that chia?”
I guess it’s true: I have become his chia dealer.
So I responded: “First hit’s free.”
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Last week, I received the following email from David–subject line: my mana is overflowing:
“NO, I am not talking about your favoritest side-effect. (Author’s note: This is a reference to the excerpt of ‘Fat Fuck’ David saw. Don’t get it? Use your imagination. Still don’t get? Well come see the show!) On Day 1, I couldn’t feel the chia at all. Now it’s day 2, and I want to chase down a gazelle and sink my fangs into the flesh of its throat, rending bone and muscle with my terrible claws.
That’s normal, right?
I’m almost afraid of day 3…
Anyway, I’m digging this stuff, and anxious to start working out again. As it happens, I’m going to be [at Hugo House on Friday.] I have two questions: 1) would you be available for lunch after that? and 2) could you hook me up with the chia? I’ll pay.
also, 3) where can I find a gazelle? So many questions, I want to TEAR INTO THEM ALL.”
Ever since Steve got me on chia, I’ve been telling everyone I know that it makes me believe I can change the world, or, as David says, chase down a gazelle and eat it. And trust me: he means this in the most positive way possible.
"I pity the fool who doesn't eat two tablespoons of chia seeds everyday." -Mr. T
Chia is a wonder “drug”–I’m putting “drug” in quotes because apparently now I’m a dealer, and I want you to know that it is not really a drug, and I am not really dealing chia –and, yes, it’s exactly what you’re thinking: chia seeds are what make America’s least favorite novelty Christmas gift, the Chia Pet.
Chia seeds have so many positive effects on the body, which you can hear all about when you come see me perform the chia section of “Fat Fuck,” but to hold you over I’ll give you a couple: appetite suppression and hydration.
And the energy to tackle a gazelle.
I’m trying to figure out how this is analogous to The Wire. Maybe “Alive and Aware Natural Foods,” who sold me the 6 lb package on Amazon, is Avon Barksdale. You might be D’Angelo. He’s the thinking type. I’m definitely Namond. Although I might be Bubbles, because I use the whole half of the package myself. Steve is possibly Marlo because he gets a separate package from Alive and Aware. Actually, you might be Bodie, because you, at one time, were in on Steve’s shit, and then you changed allegiances. Better watch your back: Marlo is a mean motherfucker.
I’m definitely Bodie! He’s my favorite hopper because he starts at the bottom, takes nobody’s shit and eventually makes some power moves and moves on up. That’s basically been my life–though I am partial to D’Angelo because of that great scene in season one where he preaches to the hoppers about the game through chess.
I’m so glad you turned this into The Wire…
I figure I am Namond because I am young and dumb but strive to do well. Also, I have excellent hair that I refuse to cut.
Namond is certainly better than Snooki, right?
Yes. Namond never fell down drunk on the beach after asking a stranger for the location of the beach. Sometimes, I do feel that I have let a water balloon full of urine burst in my hands before I could hurl it at someone else. But Namond escapes the mean streets of Bodymore, Murdaland to live a better life. I’m never gonna leave the game. Chia for life.
I agree–chia for life. It seems we need a gang sign.